With parents, writing is easier than talking
Few families say “thank you” to a parent's face. On the phone it is harder, and holiday gatherings end up being about the food. But people write it. And on a page the others are writing on too, they write even more.
Families are scattered as well. Getting siblings in Seoul, Busan and overseas into one room is hard, but one link goes anywhere. Everyone writes in their own time and the parents receive one page.
Gathering the family, in order
- One sibling creates it. Usually whoever lives nearest the parents or handles the family calls. Name it something like “Happy birthday Mom” or “Dad's 70th”.
- Post the link in a room without the parents. The family chat usually has them in it. If there is no siblings-only room, make one now. It will be useful for years.
- Include in-laws and grandchildren. Each sibling passes the link to their spouse and kids. Parents read the notes from sons- and daughters-in-law longest of all. Add the parents' own siblings, the aunts and uncles, and the page fills up.
- Create it a week before, close it two days before. Family is slower than friends. “Saturday 9 pm” works better than “by the weekend”.
- The creator writes first. A long first note makes everyone nervous; a short one makes everyone brief. Four or five lines is right.
The mechanics are in How it works. Families are usually under twenty, so the canvas fits well, and with everyone picking a note color the page turns colorful.
Young grandchildren
For grandchildren who cannot write yet, a parent types for them. Put the child's name in the name field and copy what the child says word for word. “Grandma, make me rolled omelet when I come over” is best left exactly as it is.
To let them draw, open it on the home computer. Drawing is desktop only, and the pen gets thick when drawn slowly and thin when drawn fast, so even a child with a mouse gets a crayon feel. Press save when done or it never goes up. A child who has just learned to write can simply write their name with the pen. Grandparents love that wobbly handwriting most.
Parents' Day, birthdays, anniversaries, 60th and 70th
Parents' Day comes every year, so try “this year, a card” for a change. Carnations and pocket money are the same every year, but the words differ. A birthday has one guest of honor, so the messages get more personal. An anniversary goes to both, so write about what kind of parents the two of them were to you.
If there is a 60th or 70th birthday party, that is where the card shines. Put the canvas on the restaurant TV or a projector and have each person read their note between courses, and it becomes part of the program. Notes from family too far away to come get read there too, so nobody is missing. Keep the parents from seeing it before the party. They should see it for the first time that day.
Getting the shy ones to write
Writing to parents, there is always one sibling who says “I cannot write this kind of thing”. Tell them this.
- Two lines is enough. Ask for a long one and they will not write. One line added to “stay healthy” is enough.
- Pick one episode. The night they ran to the hospital carrying you, the lunch box on exam day, their face on your first payday. Pick one and the sentence follows.
- Use your everyday tone. A son who is always casual suddenly opening with “Dear Mother” makes the parents laugh first.
- Have the spouse write first. Once the in-laws have written, the actual children cannot not write.
What to write to parents
From a child
- Mom, now that I am raising a kid I get it. How hard it must have been for you. Thank you and I am sorry. Stay healthy for a long, long time.
- Dad, you never say much, so I did not know, but I know you carry my graduation photo in your wallet. I carry yours too.
- Whenever I called in a hard time, you just asked if I had eaten. That was the biggest comfort. Now I will ask. Have you eaten?
- Sorry for always being on the receiving end. This year I am taking you on that trip. Keep the dates free.
From a son- or daughter-in-law
- The day I first met you I was too nervous to eat, and you quietly pushed the side dishes over. I have been at ease since that day.
- Every time you send kimchi, our fridge smells like home. Thank you always. Take care of your health.
- Thank you for raising [name] the way you did. Because of you I live with a good person.
From a grandchild
- Grandma, I can make ramen by myself now. Next time I will make it for you.
- Grandpa, do not let your knees hurt. I will grow up fast and carry you.
- Your house is my favorite place. I am coming again in the summer. Buy a watermelon.
From the parents' siblings
- Sis, when we were kids you did my share of the chores too. I am only saying it now. Thank you. Happy 70th.
- Brother, you always stood in front whenever the family had a big matter, and it made it easy for the rest of us. Set it down a little now and enjoy yourself.
- I cannot believe you are turning 60. Let us see each other more often. This year I will call first.
Handing it to parents who struggle with phones
Even with the link, many parents find it hard to flip through notes on a small screen. In that case, download the PNG with Save image and have it printed. A photo printing app delivers to the house in a few days, and a local print shop does it the same day. In a frame on the living room wall, they show it to every visitor. Size and ratio guidance is in Print and frame.
If there is a computer in the house, look at it together on the big screen once and give the print separately. The screen is for laughing together; the paper is for keeping.
Things to watch out for
- Do not post it in a family room the parents are in. Anyone with the link can come in, and in most families the parents check the family chat first.
- Save it when it is done. A free service run by one person cannot promise permanent storage. Messages to parents become more precious years later, so share the PNG to every family member's phone.
- Do not compare how much each sibling wrote. Ten lines or two, parents only notice who did not write. Making sure nobody is missing comes first.
- Only the author can fix a typo. A note is recognized as yours only on the same phone and browser, so do not offer to fix it for them.